Sage Atlas Portal Wins cRazzie Design Award


Paul Mitchell, CSEO,  Sage North America


IRVINE, CA, April 1, 2013 – Sage Software, an investment holding company  which collects royalties on software maintenance, announces the receipt of the first annual Software Channel cRazzie Award for their Atlas Portal project.

Winning the cRazzie for design means that Sage Software have finally been recognized for their 17 year project to convert a working knowledgebase and customer management system into a dysfunctional portal which can be accessed by almost nobody.

According to Paul Mitchell, Sage’s newly appointed Chief Shareholder Experience Officer, the Atlas Portal wildly exceeded all of Sage’s goals of driving down bandwidth and internal maintenance costs.

Mitchell noted “If nobody can figure out how to access the damn thing then Sage saves plenty on maintenance and bandwidth.  That’s money which can be paid as executive  bonuses , used for share buyback plans and pay consultants to produce studies showing how Sage is on the right path to growth. A win win”.

When asked about future projects Mr. Mitchell stated that the same team involved with  the Atlas portal have recently finished the Sage  University site – also known as Sage Collective Resource Education Workshops University (aka SCREW U) . Sage is in the midst of rolling out a mandatory $ 3,500 (per consultant) competency course to teach consultants about the new university site  titled “Fully Operational Collaborations Uniting Sales aka FOCUS“.

This new course , accessible only with Internet Explorer 1.0, needs to be completed by all Sage partners before the end of business  today or partners will be subject to a penalty.

When asked about the use of Internet Explorer 1.0 as the sole browser choice for  SCREW U, Mr. Mitchell stated  “You’re the first one to ever complain about that. All the other partners and consultants love Internet Explorer 1.0”.

Mitchell  clarified that more formal notice of this mandatory certification will be sent sometime in June  / July 2013 – or “whenever we feel like quarterly earnings can support a mailing of this size”.  Consultants will also receive the information the next time they call Sage to place an order or request support.

Future Sage projects  include a re-design of the phone system to include triple the present number of menu options, louder on-hold music and a certification course (which can be waived by payment of an annual per consultant $1,000 phone competency fee). Sage views the phone system project as an important way to reduce support call volumes.

6 Replies to “Sage Atlas Portal Wins cRazzie Design Award”

  1. LMBO!! I was wondering what was up your sleeve for this year!!! Ahhh thanks for the good laugh.

  2. ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS!!! Thank you,. And absolutely right on. Quite a bit of truth in this.

  3. For the longest while I couldn’t access any leads in Atlas at all. Then, after weeks of harassing technical support to the point of them assigning someone to send me an update every Friday (which was usually “still working on it”) I was asked to try searching by lead ID.

    If I punched in an ID, after about 60 seconds of churning, the info would come up.

    Of course, if you get no notification of a new lead or their ID, and can’t pull a list, this is pretty much useless.

    As an ACC I’m not shedding a lot of tears over the sale of ACT!

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